All By Myself!

Tim and the kids left today to go to the National Shows in Kansas City. I didn't go for several reasons . . . I need to work, and I'll be feeding the sheep and dogs. Many of the events Morgan will take part in are not "public" events--she'll be giving a speech about cloning, judging, and so on, so I wouldn't be able to watch anyway. The kids have promised me that they will tell me if they want me to be at these events, and I trust them to do so.

My big project is to organize/clean Tim's office. Paperwork is NOT his strong point, so hopefully I can get it organized so that it's easier for him to keep track of what he needs to do and find what he needs to when he needs to.

I'm also planning to exercise and take some time for Bible Study. I had a very interesting business proposal last week, completely out of the blue. I'm very carefully considering it--it's a very exciting opportunity, but I do not want to take it on until and unless I'm sure it's right.

It's hard to not be with Tim and the kids all the time . . . yet it's very good for me to have some time alone to relax and refresh myself. And I know Tim appreciates his time with just the kids, too. It's good for them to have that time with their dad. I'm thankful he's such a good dad and willing to spend that much time with them!

Getting Old

I guess I'm getting old. Yesterday, mid-morning, my back started to hurt. It got worse and worse, and by mid-afternoon I could hardly walk. About 8:00 I gathered phones (cell and cordless home phone), water, medicine, Bible study book and book I've been reading, and everything else I thought I'd need, and crawled into bed. I took some muscle relaxants and pain relievers and hoped to sleep all night and feel good enough in the morning to go to work.

At about 11:00 PM I was rudely awakened . . . by the smoke alarms blaring! They stopped blaring after about 5 seconds, and I couldn't smell any smoke, and hadn't cooked all day, so thought it was just a glitch.

Until they went off again a few minutes later . . . and then again . . . and then again, when I had enough time to try to find the instruction manual and see if there was a troubleshooting guide to "what to do when the smoke alarms won't stop going off for no reason." It took a few minutes to figure out how to roll over and get myself out of bed . . . and a few more minutes to hobble to my office to find the manual . . . and they were still going off, and I was still in pain . . . FINALLY the alarms stopped.

I hobbled back to bed (where the beagle was trembling with fear at all the noise) and drifted off to sleep . . . only to be awakened again about 4 AM by the same thing. I was getting slightly irritated by this time, to put it mildly . . . dragged a chair over (I'm sure THAT was good for my back!) and took the batteries out of two alarms . . . and they kept blaring! I just crawled back into bed and gave up . . .

I still don't know why they did that all night . . . perhaps because I was planning to at least try to go to work this morning, and God knew that wasn't a good plan so he added exhaustion to pain, knowing I couldn't work through both.

Until about a year ago I'd NEVER had back pain, and considered myself blessed because of that. (The episode last year started with dumping a bucket of cow feed into the bunk, and I've never been asked to do that again, haha!). Now I guess it's going to be something I'll have to be aware of . I do know I need to get into better shape, and this is going to spur me on to do that . . . when I feel better of course!

Tim and the kids are in Iowa at a cattle show, so I'm home alone . . . and that is not a bad thing, although it would be nice to have them home to fetch all those little things that are "big" things when every step hurts.

I know many people live with much worse pain, constantly, and this is very minor compared to that. I'm so thankful that missing a day of work doesn't mean I have to choose between medication and groceries, or that missing a day means I'm in danger of being fired from my job . . . I'm blessed that my medicine cabinet has plenty of pain meds and there's a nice ice bag in the freezer! (It freezes the ice in little round cubes, so it's easy to concentrate the cold right where it feels the best).

Hurting makes me appreciate my general good health all the more!

Loosening the Apron Strings

I think all moms know that at some point, the apron strings need to loosen . . . gradually . . . a little bit at a time . . . sslllooooowwwwwwlllllyyyyy . . .

Lately I have noticed the apron strings between Morgan and I loosening a bit faster than I'm ready for. I'm not sure that I'm ready. As you know from previous posts, Cody has been sick with mono and so home all the time. It's been a nice time for "bonding" (as much as a teenage boy can bond!) between Cody and I.

Cody being home all day means Morgan has been doing more at the ranch with the cattle. She's been there, with Tim, all day, and she's taken over a lot of Cody's responsibilities. The last few days, when she comes home for lunch or at the end of the day, she's been rather . . . cool . . . to me. This is something I never thought would happen with my sweet little girl!

We've always been very close, but now when she comes home she doesn't call out "Hi Mom!" to me. She heads straight to her beagle or the refrigerator . . . instead of straight to me for a hug. When she leaves, she yells "Bye mom!" and heads out the door without waiting for a reply or a hug. I, of course, catch her before she drives off and demand my hug as house rules dictate no one leaves the house without a hug for mom!

She used to tell me every detail of what everyone said and did (including the cattle) when she was at the ranch. Now she recounts the day only to my pointed questions . . . and her responses are along the lines of, "Fine." "Nothing." "Not really." "No." "Yes." all punctuated with a huge sigh. In other words, "Mom, it is a tremendous burden on me to have to reply to your inane questions to which the answers should be obvious. Please, quit annoying me."

Paradoxically, she is quite strident in her requests of me (and my failure to meet her high standards in doing so). Every day she asks, "So, mother dear, what have you lovingly planned, selectively shopped for, and carefully prepared for my dining pleasure?" OK, back to real life; she asks, in a rather crabby way, "So what's for lunch?"

My reply could be, "Darling daughter, I have imported the finest food you can imagine. You have your choice of lobster, caviar, a hamburger, ribeye prepared medium rare, baked, mashed, or hash brown potatoes, salad with or without dressing, or anything else your dear heart could desire!" and her reply would be, "That doesn't sound good. Don't you know I don't like lobster, caviar, a hamburger, or anything else you could even dream of making me? You will never live up to my expectations, Mother."

Perhaps God makes it easier for us to untie those apron strings by making kids moody, tempermental, and with an attitude as big as the sky.

Thankfully, He also gives me the early morning moments when Morgan is asleep and I can hug her as tightly and for as long as I want to (she's a heavy sleeper), and whisper "I love you Morgan!" and hear her whisper back from deep in dreamland, "I love you too, mom!"

When He's Sick, He Can't Run Away From Me!

There aren't many benefits of having a sick kid . . . but one of them is that he's too tired/wiped out to run away from me when I try to talk to him.

He's spent most of his time on the couch . . . reading, watching TV, talking on the phone, texting on his phone . . . When Tim and Morgan are not home, there are times when he's been bored enough to actually let me sit next to him on the couch (and NOT run away!) when we're having a snack or lunch. Sometimes, we actually hold a civilized conversation . . . one which does not end with one of us stomping away in anger or frustration.

I hope this lasts beyond his illness . . .

Father's Day

It was a beautiful day yesterday! Warm, sunny, and just a little wind. The day didn't start out so good; at 6:45 AM we woke up to rain and hail! The hail was tiny, and lasted for just a few minutes. Tim had to work for much of the day . . . cows in heat need to be AI'd!

I made steak and scallops for supper, along with veggies and cheese-filled tortellini. I had some timing issues in getting everything done at the same time (or almost the same time), but it turned out yummy and everyone enjoyed it. It was the first time I'd ever made scallops. I browned them in butter with a little chopped garlic, garlic salt, and thyme. (I don't know why I picked thyme; a recipe I planned to follow called for tarragon, but we didn't have any of that.) Everyone enjoyed the scallops, so I'll make them again . . . tarragon is on my grocery list so I'll follow that recipe next time. It was nice to spend the evening together as a family.

I am so blessed to have Tim for my kids' father! When they were born, he told me that I'd have to take care of them until they were out of diapers, and they would spend free time with him after that. He was a little nervous holding them when they were babies (although he was always glad to cuddle with them if I put them on his chest), and changed maybe 2 or 3 diapers, total, for both kids. I didn't mind diapers, and Tim helped in so many other ways (including working hard enough that I didn't have to work outside the home) that I never expected him to change them.

Since the kids have been out of diapers, they've spent more and more and more time with Tim. He takes them to shows, sales, and to look at cattle in far off places . . . and as they've gotten older and could help at the ranch, they've all enjoyed working together (most of the time . . . remember, they're teenagers so sometimes hormones get in the way of common sense . . . ). Since we moved to the country a little more than three years ago, they spend time after school helping Tim, and all day most days during the summer.

They are so blessed to have such a close relationship with him! He's teaching them about life, managing the ranch, business, and so many more things. The most valuable gift we can give our children is our time . . . and Tim gives soooo much of his time! He is willing to put in many extra hours for them . . . a few weeks ago we took Morgan to a sheep show on a hot and humid Friday night. I know Tim would have liked to have been at home in the air-conditioned house, watching an episode of Law and Order . . . but he took the time and effort to go to the show with Morgan.

I don't think they realize how blessed they are to have such a loving dad . . . I don't know if any of us realized as children what a blessing loving, caring parents are (to anyone who didn't have "good" parents . . . I'm sorry. . . you were cheated out of one of the greatest relationships on earth. I hope you find those special relationships in other relatives or friends!).

And to anyone who experienced Father's Day without his or her father because he has died, I'm sorry. I can't imagine how difficult Father's Day is for you. I pray for God to give you peace and good memories.

My dad taught me more than I will ever realize . . . as I get older I realize how valuable his example, and lessons, and love, were and are. Thanks, Dad!

Sick Kid, Sick Mom

I remember having the throw-up flu when Cody and Morgan were very little--you know, the "watch-their-every-move-so-they-don't-drown/poison themselves/electrocute themselves" stage. Tim was out of town, and it was just plain miserable to have to keep track of them and be sick at the same time!

I woke up with a fever and headache this morning, and it was so nice to be able to just eat a little bit, take some medicine, and go back to sleep. I didn't have to worry about anything (except the darn phone that wouldn't quit ringing!!). Quite a contrast from years ago.

Advice to moms with young children--if you don't feel well, do all you can to find someone to take care of your kids for the day! If this is not possible, give yourself permission to do all things the easy way. Cereal for each meal (unless your husband will get take out for supper). Forget laundry and cooking. Let the kids watch movies alllll day--their brains will not be permanently damaged from just one day of that! Let them "take care" of you by rubbing your back, feet, legs, or hands (they'll enjoy doing it even more if you let them use lotion). If they like to play "waitress", order simple meals like soda and crackers. If all else fails, bribe them! Or, assign chores every time they wander away from where you've told them they could be.

And ALL moms--if you know a friend is sick, offer to take care of her kids for the day, or even for just a few hours! The sick mom will be forever greatful to you for coming to her aid in times of need.

Cody is still very tired from his mono. One of the phone calls today was from the doctor's office, checking to see how he was doing. Since he told them his throat still hurts, the doctor has prescribed an antibiotic. He did go see his cattle, very briefly . . . but now he's asleep again.

Since he'll be mostly at home for more than another week, today I ordered him a Chronological Bible--one that has all the Bible readings in the order in which they were written. I have a Chronological Bible and I'm really enjoying it--reading the events in the order in which they happened has given me a new view of the Bible. I (jokingly) told him that he has to start with the January 1st reading and catch up by the end of next week . . . but I don't think I'll hold him to that! He's bored, though, so this will give him something constructive to do. Besides text on his phone, haha!

Texting from the Doctor's Office

Cody's abdominal pain continued, so yesterday I took him to the doctor. Cody is for the most part very healthy, and he was not happy that he had to go to the doctor. He was even more unhappy when the nurse said she had to draw blood--not a finger prick, but from a vein in his arm.

He was apprehensive about the procedure, but rejected my offer to hold his hand, or even stand near the table he was sitting on, when the blood was drawn! He did, however, have his cell phone in a death grip . . . I guess that was his way of keeping his friends close and getting their comfort.

Between the doctor and nurse going in and out of the exam room, waiting for test results, and so on, he was texting his friends about his "ordeal." I added to his "torment" by continually asking him, "Who are you texting now? Tell them your mom says "HI". " He showed me the text; "My weird mom says to tell you "HI." What was funny was that his friends then texted back, "Tell your mom I said "HI" too!"

After an exam by the doctor and his reading the results of the blood tests, the verdict was in . . . Cody has mono! He said he would have rather had appendicitis (which was a possible diagnosis, given his symptoms) because he could have had it taken out and been better in a few days. However, the doctor put him on a very reduced schedule for at least two weeks. The doctor also said he needed to avoid all type of contact sports, because his liver and spleen are inflamed.

The doctor likened his inflamed spleen to a water balloon--"sloshy" and unstable. He said Cody should avoid anything that could cause an injury to it, like "sledding down a hill and running into a tree." The doctor and Cody then spent a few minutes laughing and listing activities he should avoid. Cody suggested "belly flop contests". The doctor countered with "bull riding" and so on. The doctor was great--he talked to Cody (not just me), answered his questions, and explained the reason for the need for rest.

Thankfully, there are no cattle shows for a few weeks, and since school is out, we don't have to worry about that. If he had to get mono, this was really a good time to get it! He's on steroids for his inflamed liver and spleen, but otherwise no medications.

Cody was glad to take it easy today . . . I'm afraid it will get more difficult as he feels better, but for now I'm thankful for a cooperative patient. He is watching a movie right now; I just offered to watch it with him, rub his back, or just sit by him . . . his reply was, "Mom, you can go do your own work. It's OK." I guess his cell phone is good enough company. Sometimes, however, I miss the demands of a sick child for hugs and just being by his mom!

Rate Your Pain, Kid!

No, that's not what I say to the kids when I'm punishing them, or when they complain about how "mean" I am (sometimes it's a parent's job to be mean, but that's another post!).

Nurses are trained to ask patients who are in pain, to rate their pain. This gives us a way to assess the severity of the pain, as well as how effective medication or other pain-relief measures are. It's natural for me to ask the kids (and my husband, and my parents, and my in-laws!) to rate their pain when they are having pain. (If you want to use this technique, ask the person how bad the pain is on a scale of 1-10, with 1 being "very little or no pain" and 10 being "the worst pain I can imagine." A rating of '17' means they're not taking the pain scale seriously!)

Cody came home Saturday evening not feeling good, and still wasn't feeling well when he and Morgan left for the show on Sunday. By mid-morning Sunday he was feeling so rotten he went to the pickup and slept there until Morgan was done showing, and then I took him home.

I've found that it's as hard to watch your children being sick when they're teenagers, as it is when they're little babies. When they're babies, they cannot tell you what is wrong, but they will accept any and all cuddling you'll give them. I remember many "sick" days spent rocking and cuddling with sick kids. Of course I don't like it when my children don't feel well, but there is something about being the only one who can comfort them in the midst of the flu or an ear infection.

Teenagers are very able to tell you exactly what's wrong . . . not that they are always willing to. Yesterday I heard "I can't tell what hurts . . . I just feel yukky . . . quit asking me! . . . I don't know how bad my pain is . . . I don't feel like giving it a number . . . " before I got the information that he had a bad headache, and his muscles and stomach hurt. Same thing this morning--stomach pain at a 6-7 rating, enough to get me to be a bit concerned that it was something serious. Thankfully, by the time I got home from work, and several hours after Cody had taken some medicine, he rated the pain a 3. Hopefully it is just a virus and will pass.

The hard part about having a teenage boy who is sick is that he most definitely does NOT want extra hugs, or cuddles, or even to have me near him. He's texting his girlfriend and other friends . . . I guess that is the teenage form of cuddling when you're sick!

Time to ask Cody to rate his pain again . . .

Parenting Pride

There are many moments in parenting that are hard--beginning with the first days at home, often filled with crying and mysterious-looking diapers . . . and continuing into the teenage years when hormone surges the strength and unpredictability of tsunamis dominate some days.

Thankfully, there are also those sometimes unexpected moments that bring happy tears to a parent's eyes. I had several of those moments this weekend. As you recall from the previous post, Cody and Morgan were at a cattle show by themselves on Saturday. Yesterday, Tim and I went to watch Morgan show her heifer, Zell.

I had fun visiting with several "cattle show moms"--moms I rarely see outside of the cattle shows. One of them said to me, "I have to tell you what Cody said yesterday." My immediate thought was, "Oh oh! What smarty pants comment did he make to someone?" Thankfully, I was wrong. The mom told me how she'd driven onto the fairgrounds just as Cody and a friend were getting out of his truck. The mom pulled up by the boys, and asked them if she should go get them lunch. They replied that they had already eaten, and then Cody added, "And we fed our sisters, too!"

Maybe it sounds like a little thing . . . but (for you readers who do not have teenagers yet) it's a big deal for a sometimes selfish, usually self-centered teen to actually think to feed his sister (not that she would have starved without him feeding her). Making it even better was that I had NOT given him money, OR told him to "feed your sister"--he did it all on his own!

Another proud moment was watcing Morgan compete for and win Supreme Champion Junior Showman (woman!). First she showed against all the kids who showed a Simmental cow, and then she competed against the showmanship winners of all the other breeds. I could tell how hard she was working each time she was in the ring. Her heifer wasn't behaving the best, but Morgan kept calm and ultimately won! My eyes filled with tears of pride at her accomplishment when the judges announced her as the winner.

I treasure these moments . . . and pull them out of my memory during those "hormone tsunami," rolling-eyes-"mom-I-can't-BELIEVE-you'd-say/do-THAT" moments (and days)!

Spreading Their Wings and Cutting my (Apron) Strings

Cody and Morgan are at a cattle show about 50 miles from here today. Going to a cattle show isn't anything unusual . . . in fact, between about February and November it's unusual if we do NOT go to a cattle show! However, this one is different.

Cody and Morgan are at the show . . . all by themselves. They left--just the two of them--before 7AM. I had the second day of my nursing workshop, and Tim has stuff to do at the ranch today. The kids wanted to go . . . so we let them. We figure that at some point we have to let them do it by themselves, and better to let them do so at a relatively close show, when the weather is good, and they can drive there on good roads.

It feels very strange to be "here," while they are "there" by themselves! I know it's a part of the process of them growing up, but it's still strange, after attending almost every cattle show with them for the last 9 or 10 years.

Cody and Morgan were getting along great last night as they were getting ready to go. Morgan was going to give a speech today, and Cody was helping her go over it. This morning, instead of his usual "Hurry up Morgan--what's taking you so long??? You're always late!" he was patient with her. He even let her drive his truck back to our home after they loaded her heifer on the trailer (which was hooked to the other truck).

It is reassuring to know where they are . . . and that there are other mothers and fathers at the show, mothers and fathers who will let us know if they're doing something they shouldn't be doing--after telling the kids themselves to STOP doing what they shouldn't be! The families that show cattle are like one big family--we all watch out for each other's kids, and I think all the kids feel comfortable going to any of the parents if they need something.

I'm so glad Cody and Morgan are 'friends' as well as siblings . . . they watch out for each other, and encourage each other (when they're not bickering with each other!). My relationship with my sisters was good when we were kids, and we're very close now. I pray Cody and Morgan will share the same type of relationship.

No More Babysitters

Well, with kids age 14 and 16 we haven't needed babysitters for several years. We moved to the country a little over three years ago, and even though the kids were a bit young to stay by themselves then, we let them. Tim's mom and dad are only about 1/2 mile away, and we don't go out that much!

Yesterday I went to a nursing workshop. On the way there I was thinking about how nice it was not to have to worry about babysitters any more--first of all trying to find a good one, then the concern of whether or not they would show up on time, if they would have friends/boyfriends over while we were gone/ignore the kids/lose the kids/let the kids get hurt/take them somewhere they shouldn't . . . I can conjure up the wildest scenarios!

We were blessed with some wonderful babysitters when the kids were little. Three sisters lived just across the street from us, and most often if one couldn't babysit, one of the others could. As a bonus, their mom is a nurse, so we knew if there was an emergency expert help was very close. Another girl lived right next door. And of course Tim's mom was always available in a pinch.

My advice to moms whose kids are in the "babysitter" stage--ask around to get names of good sitters. Pay them well! Suggest that if they have time, they do the dishes or do light housework--then pay them better and tell them WHY you're paying them better! One of the best feelings I had when our kids were very young was coming home to a CLEAN house and sleeping kids, after an evening out with Tim. It was so nice to enjoy a clean house that evening, and get up to a clean house.

THANKS to Cody and Morgan's early babysitters--they might not remember you, but I sure do!

"I'm sorry, mom!"

No, it wasn't one of the kids apologizing to me . . . but me, apologizing to my mom for something my sisters and I had done when we were little. I didn't realize how much she (so very patiently) put up with, with us, until I had to (not so patiently) deal with it in my kids!

Even from 400 miles away, through the phone line, I knew she was smiling. And maybe laughing at me just a little, tiny bit.

Personal Shortcomings

I thought by this time in my life (earlier this year I celebrated the 18th anniversary of my 23rd birthday) I would have "it" (whatever "it" is) all "together" (whatever "together" means). If I was the ideal person I want to be, I would exercise every single day (cardio and weights). My clothes would be stylish and coordinated, even if I was just going to the grocery store. My hair and makeup would also be perfect, every day.

I would get up at 6 AM every day (actually, I have been doing that!) to do my Bible study, exercise, and prepare the meals for the day--including a full, hot breakfast.

I would be the "perfect mom" and cook well-balanced meals, every meal. I would never cook salmon for Morgan, thinking she ate it and LIKED it in at Applebees a few weeks ago (I really thought she did, but she swears she did not). I feel so bad for not realizing I was cooking something she really does not like!

I would be patient at all times . . . the house would be clean all the time (including the carpets) . . . I would not forget to send graduation cards and gifts would be bought and given on time.

My garden would be planted (and weeded).

I don't have a 5-year plan for my life . . . some days it feels like I don't have a 5 MINUTE plan for my life!

Does anyone else feel this way?

My Bible reading earlier this week said, "You can make many plans, but the Lord's purpose will prevail." (Prov. 19:21). I guess my plans to be an "ideal" person don't fit in with God's purpose at this time! I hate to think that I will never be an "ideal" person . . . but perhaps the things I do get done are more important than being "ideal".

I will continue to work at the things I've listed above, but also continue to pray that I will know God's purpose and follow His plan for my life.

"Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. Mark out a straight path for your feet . . . don't get sidetracked." Proverbs 4:25-26

Seeing is Believing

I always like to see who I'm "talking" to and reading about when I read a blog. Therefore, I'm posting this picture of our family so you can see who you're "talking" to and reading about when you check out this blog.

The picture was (obviously) taken on Christmas, 2007. This picture is special because of the circumstances under which we go it. We didn't even THINK of taking a family picture until, after a long day, we were all ready to go to bed. I quickly found the instruction book for the camera, so I could set the timer and be in the picture too.

Everyone was tired, so we only took TWO pictures . . . and miraculously, got this great one of the whole family, including Cadbury and Jenny.

Family Facts

• Burke Family, established 1989 when Tim and Shelly, high school sweethearts (awwwww) were married
• Shelly, RN, graduated from Midland Lutheran College in Fremont, NE 1989; author of several books (see bottom of this page) and many magazine articles
• Tim, owner of Burke Show Cattle, Genoa Nebraska (http://www.burkecattle.com/). Attended Colorado State University and The University of Nebraska, Lincoln
• Cody, born 1991; intersts include cattle, 4-wheeling, FFA, friends
• Morgan, born 1993; interests include any and all animals (past and present pets include hamsters, guinea pigs, ducks, cats, dogs, hermit crabs, cockatiels); showing cattle and sheep, reading, friends
• Current family pets; Cadbury (chocolate lab), Jenny (Beagle); Lucky, Tiger, Sunshine (annoying cats); Shakespeare and Romeo (cockatiels {for sale!})
• Family activities; going to cattle shows in Nebraska and throughout the Midwest
• Favorite family meals; spaghetti, marinated pork chops on the grill
• Things NOT served in the Burke home . . . mushrooms, chicken, tofu, coffee
• Things only Shelly is able to do; clean up animal throw up (all other family members claim it would make THEM throw up if they had to do it), document ALL events through photographs (therefore I'm in very few photos!)
• Greatest wish--cleaning elves who would come into our home daily to pick up the dishes, silverware, magazines, etc., etc., etc., that "not me!" leaves all over the house

How to Mortify Your Teenager

Tell him that before he goes on his date this weekend, he needs to have "The Big Talk" with either you, or your husband. Inform him that this will take at least an hour, and he'll need to take notes, because there will be a 25-question quiz at the end, and he has to pass the quiz in order to go on his date this weekend. Ask him if he'd rather have "The Big Talk" with you, or your husband (giggle quietly at the terrified look on your husband's face when you say this!).

By this time your son's face will be bright red . . .but he will not dare stomp off or talk back to you, because he very much wants to go on the date with his girlfriend.

Leave the room, saying you have to find the books he needs to read before "The Big Talk." Tell him to stay where he is--he will, because he wants to go on the date . . .

Before he leaves for the afternoon, give him a big hug. He'll allow you to, so he can go on his date!

Time for Cool Changes

It hit me a few months ago that our family was going through some big changes.

Cody, our 16 year old, can now drive anywhere (in theory anyway!) by himself, ending many years of driving him to every away-from-home event. I am no longer the main influence in his life . . . his dad is. Morgan, 14, has become involved in many more things--including showing sheep, school events, and joining the 4-H judging team. She's not a "girl" any more, but a young woman.

Both kids are much more independent--I don't know exactly where they are, or precisely what they're doing, every moment of every day, like I did when they were younger. They have their own point of view and can intelligently talk about current events and issues (we've had some intersting conversations and friendly debates about the presidential candidates). They're both looking ahead to college and what they'll do after that. They surprised me with a bright pair of Crocks for Mother's Day--and I didn't even hint that I wanted another pair!

For the most part I'm really enjoying this stage of family life. Oh, there are the occasional "hormone tsunamis" (Tim came up with that term and I think it's a perfect description of a teenager's mood swings), and the always-present low level of worry that I think every parent has about his or her kids for as long as we're parents. I realize that no matter what we've taught them, no matter how many times we've gone over seatbelts, no talking on cell phones while driving, and saying "NO!" (to so many things!), teens can be . . . well . . . short-sighted, overly confident, and just plain have a major brain fart. The scary part is that at the age they're at, a bad decision can lead to life-long negative consequences.

Back to changes . . . this is a time of life full of changes for me, too. Without having to focus on the kids 24/7 I'm looking ahead to what I want to do, and my long-term goals.

When I'm with a group of moms who are in this stage of life, between cooing and college, I've found that we share the same joys, concerns, and questions. It's always comforting to me to find that my kids aren't the only ones who can forget what I've asked them to do within 5 seconds of my asking (teenage Alzheimers, perhaps?), I'm not the only one who is wondering how to productively fill my newly-found free time (with things other than worry!), and my husband and I are not the dumbest parents ever, anywhere, at any time in world history (like our kids seem to believe!).

I hope this blog will be a place to share questions, concerns, advice, and encouragement about all aspects of the stage of motherhood between cooing and college. Of course, moms of younger kids are welcome, too! All moms are in this together--with the goal of raising healthy, happy, productive kids . . . with a minimum of therapy, trauma, and tears.